Life/family changes. We have a daughter!

I started this post over a month ago but never finished it. The block quote below is what I started with.

I know it's been a while since I posted last, and that seems to feel like a broken record kind of thing to say. But it's been a while for a good reason. The reason why it's been a while is because life has just been so darn busy. And that also sounds like a broken record thing to say. But this time it's true and for pretty different reasons. This time I have been busy with Elks stuff, school stuff, and also with the fact that we now have a daughter. And it's not one of those, "oh my gosh we could try and get pregnant for so long, and it finally happened" kind of things. Actually it's because we have a foreign exchange student living with us and we are acting as her parents while she is here. 

This is something that my husband and I have talked about doing for a long time. But it was just never really the time to do it. We were always busy, we always were concerned that we wouldn't be able to spend enough time with them, or provide them with the things they need. But a little while ago maybe about 4 weeks now this woman that we know stopped us and asked us hey have you guys ever thought about his new strange student. We told her that we talked thought about it but that it just didn't seem like the right time. And then she proceeded to tell us about this student that was here and staying with a family and that was just not having a good time she seemed miserable and you know she just needed to be in a new place. She also told us that there was a couple that really wanted to take her but unfortunately they were old enough to. And well we talked about it and he basically left the decision up to me and the sob story really touched my heart strings and I'm a sucker. So here we are new parents with an 18 year old foreign exchange student who is from Mongolia and just truly a joy to have in our lives.

I can't remember the point of this post exactly. Obviously it was to talk about the changes that have been taking place in my life-including our new daughter, but I feel like it was probably more than that.

Here's what I assume I wanted to stress:

For so long my reaction to random people telling me they loved me really made me feel bad. My reaction was that I would get all awkward and clam up, and feel like they we expecting me to say it back-but I couldn't. I would feel bad about this because I would reflect on how easy it was for me in my past to say this. I felt like I was lacking in something, and I was worried about whatever I was lacking in effecting my capacity to love potential adopted children-a very real possibility in my future. 

 But having our new daughter here, even in such a short period of time, has really put my mind to rest on the subject. She's only been with us a short while, but I already know that I love her and will miss her when she's gone. I reflected on something that happened while talking to my therapist, and noted how good it felt to be able to give of myself to this person with out having any expectations of receiving anything in return, yet getting something nonetheless. We are hosting her because we choose to, and we provide for her tutelage and advice because we feel compelled to of own our reasoning, and we don't expect gratitude, thanks, or appreciation in return. So when she out right says it, or does small acts to show it the impact it has is astounding. 

I remember remarking upon the fact that I no longer had the looming fear that I would never be able to love an adopted child as I would my own, and I remember saying that I have this experience to thank for it.