Feeling Cheated

The thing that made me look more into information about porn addiction was the video below. The reason I found this video was because I was feeling pretty tired of feeling conflicted about my feelings about my husband watching porn and masturbating. Most of the time I would feel like I was being cheated on, but then there were times that I felt like maybe I was just over reacting.

I mean, we I have been having issues with the frequency of sex, and the means that it often took to keep it up. The frequency that is. More about Keeping the penis up in a future post. With the relative lack of sex and desire for sex, I felt like whenever he masturbated to porn, he was choosing porn over me. This is subject matter will also be another post. On the other hand, watching porn is normal for a guy, and so is masturbating. Right?

Well, long story short, for years I would be conflicted about how I felt and I finally just got tired of feeling conflicted. So, I looked online for other people's opinions. If I'm really being honest, I was really just looking for reaffirmation that it was OK to feel like I was being cheated on. But I didn't want this affirmation to come from another female since my biggest concern was that it was my illogical female brain thinking that this was wrong. So, I clicked on the first video that had a subjective title, and seemed to have been posted by a male.

I couldn't have been happier with what I found. The first thing that struck me the most about what Mr. K Kortez had to say was "If you are doing anything sexual or romantic that you have to jolt or try to hideif your partner comes into the room... Then you're cheating." This struck me the most because my husband always says that if you are doing something you feel you have to hide or lie about then it's wrong. Yet, he always does this when it comes to porn and masturbation.

The next thing that struck me was his analogy with an open book test. At first I thought he was going to say, if it's an open book test then using a book while taking the test isn't cheating, but using a book while taking a test when it's not an open book test is. That's not what his message was though. It was that if you have an open book test, you are likely to not take the test seriously or put a lot of effort in.

That really struck me deeply because I felt like I was constantly begging my husband to put more effort into our sex-and even just intimacy-life, and he just didn't. At least it didn't really seem like it to me.



So yeah, this guy is a Christian, and he does insert some Christian view point in, but for the most part this video is pretty all encompassing and exclusive of a Christian view point.

At first when he made his statements about addiction, I thought to myself, "Yeah OK. That's a big leap. There goes your credibility." But then I got to thinking about the words he used. "If you are in a healthy relationship, then there should be no need... If there is a need, then you are an addict." Taking a second to think about that, I thought to myself, "you know... I really don't want to believe that my husband would continue to do something that he knows hurts me. Maybe he's doing it because he can't help it. Maybe he's addicted."

This led me to look for videos that talked about porn addiction (since I was already on YouTube). I found a few good ones right off the bat, and will make a later post about it.