More than words

Drafted post, never published. 11/24/14

This is a really good song. It popped into my head after a conversation my husband and I had about porn addiction. Actually, the very first conversation. I was so amped up, because there was so much I felt I needed to say, but it was late and he was tired and on travel. So I talked to myself and recorded it.

Basically though, the reason this popped into my head was because it takes more than words to say I love you. My husband would always try to explain that he showed he loved me by working his ass off and being able to provide. I always felt that this was caused more by his own needs (workaholic) than his desire to show he loved me. I do agree that it takes more than words to show someone you love them, though, and what I need from him is... at it's core: intimacy. Touches, kisses, smiles.

I used to be able to communicate to him that I wanted him to kiss me passionately just by looking at him a certain way. I had noticed a long time ago that he was no longer able to recognize that look in my eyes. Recently though, he was and it almost made me cry. When I mentioned it to him, he said he always could, just never responded.

And that did make me cry. Inside.

I would have been happier thinking that he was gaining something back through the quitting process than to learn that it was never something he lost. Rather, simply choose to ignore it.