Don Jon - A movie about porn addiction... sort of.

I heard of this movie through the Rebootnation.org forum and decided to watch it. I replied to post with my thoughts, but I wanted to archive it here too.

Reply #1:

I watched it by myself via Netflix. I didn't want to feel like iwas rubbing anything in my husband's face, and I'm glad idid. There was way too much flashes for a reboot er (imo).

I'm glad I watched it because ithink it's interesting the popular media addressed pa, but I think it totally understand played the reality of it all. I would have liked it better if they impressed more pa issues like ed.

Reply #2:

So, when I replied last, I was using my phone, it was late and I just wanted to be sure to put something out there in response. As you can tell, it was pretty brief and poorly written. My opinions still stands in that it's probably not a good idea for early rebooters to watch it as "username" so helpfully advised.

I'm not really sure why I'm replying again. I feel like my last response did not adequately cover my feelings about the movie, yet as I think of what to put, it seems like I'm just trying to repeat the same thing. I suppose this is because I feel a little frustrated.

Because of my own personal experiences, I feel like porn addiction is... Well, I feel like the subject of porn addiction is serious. This movie is meant to be a comedy (romance-comedy-drama). In that, it does a very good job. If I didn't know what porn addiction was a real and serious thing I probably would have liked the movie a lot because of the amazing job the actors did, and the relative smoothness of the plot as it played out. Without a doubt, it was a good movie.

However, because porn addiction and all of the subsequent problems it causes is personal to me, it bothered me that they underplayed the seriousness of the subject. Like I mentioned, I think it would have been better if they included something like Erectile Dysfunction, or showed the long road of lies. I know they touched on the poorer quality of sex, but it was only a little and they made it seemed more like something only an experienced person would notice - and notice right away. They also showed some of the lying that came along, but not the extent to which it would otherwise occur. Yeah Jon lied to his lady friend, but he only had to do it twice. It didn't portray the hurt that a partner feels of being lied to over and over for the years most of us go through.

I know if it had include many of the ways to more accurately depict PA, the movie would have been a different movie all together though, so I'm not ragging on them for what they produced. I still think it was a good movie. I guess I'm just saying I wish there was an equally good movie out there that also included many of the things listed above. Maybe even add in some of the science behind it so that viewers could learn a little about the validity of this addiction by simply watching.

There was also a response from the site owner (I think) that also made a good point. I'll let you read that for yourself here. 

My therapist doesn't seem to think PA is a real thing

I'm pretty sure that a while ago I made a post about my husband coming into one of my therapy appointments with me sometime after he got home from "that fateful trip". It wasn't planned or anything. He just happened to be home so I invited him and he came. We were running late because there was a truck in front of the house so we couldn't leave. (We were having our new bed delivered.)

Anyways, during that appointment we brought up Porn addiction, and the possibility that my husband had it, and that it was the root of so many of our problems. Though he seemed to listen and take it into consideration, it was pretty apparent that during that appointment he wanted to push aside porn addiction as the problem, and talk about this as a whole. Then, in subsequent visits, when ever the subject gets brought up, I can't help but to feel like he doesn't really know anything about it. Not only that, but I feel that it's his lack of knowledge that makes it impossible to talk about the subject with him. Whenever some porn addiction related issue gets brought up, he wants to explore reasons why and shit, and I'm like, "there's nothing to explore here, it's a waste of time. Understand that it's porn addiction so we can move on from the cause to how if affects me."

Instead of being able to talk about my feelings on the subject and how if affects me, I feel like I have to defend my feelings. It's really frustrating and honestly makes me mad. I know that a lot of this stems from the fact that research on the subject is so new, and he's been practicing for so long that he's probably never had cause to encounter it before, but I really don't like being the route of learning for him.

I really just want to say, "Here. Here's a bunch of links to studies and videos, and here are a whole bunch of other people who are suffering too." I want to show him that there is legitimate research, and legitimate psychological affects on people who have this addiction and their partners. I've sent him an email today about something else entirely, but also made a point to include my feelings as an afterword. I also said to expect a 12 page email with more information.

Why am I so mad right now?